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Anonymous posting is on, and comments are screened. You can leave crit here, or send a message to henchwench[at]gmail.com, or poke me in IRC or whatever you want, baby.

This crit post is available for all my characters (Harley Quinn, Brenda, Scott Pilgrim, Shiv).

KISS KISS BANG BANG ON YOUTUBE

NO EXCUSES. Rated R for language, violence, and the titties so you probably don't want to watch it with your boss or small children.

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10

Gag reel

I expect the next counselor round to be full of Perry. Don't disappoint.

FIVE THINGS MEME

Harley Brenda Ted Pigeon Harry

Let's make some lists!

Stats and Permissions

Name: Harry Lockhart
Age: 36
Birthday: Robert Downey Jr's birthday is April 4, so LET'S JUST GO WITH THAT.
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Gorgeous

Physical Traits: Small scar on his right cheek, scar on his right arm, and missing the ring finger on his left hand.

What's Okay to Mention Around Him: Whatever you want, baby.

Abilities: ... ... ... yeah I got nothin'.

Notes for Psychics: No special blocks but his thoughts are all over the place. I imagine the inside of his head sounds like the buzzing of a thousand confused bees.

Can I shapeshift/bodyswap/spit at/step on/etc?: SURE WHY NOT

Hugging/Kissing/Other non-violent physical contact: Yeah, go ahead.

Maim/Murder/Death: No on the dying, but maiming and torture? He's used to that.

Cooking: ... he can pour drinks.

Jun. 25th, 2008

Character name: Harry Lockhart
Series: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Age: 36
Job: Narrator

Canon: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a send-up of noir films and pulp novels with mystery, murder, and maiming. Harry Lockhart is a petty thief on the run after an attempt to steal a Christmas present for his niece goes terribly wrong. While trying to dodge the police, he accidentally auditions for a movie. He gets the part and is promptly flown out to L.A. At a party for someone he's never met, he meets a private investigator assigned to keep an eye on him, utterly fails to be a badass, and sees the girl of his dreams. Busy night, yeah? But Harry's not about to catch a break because the next day he 1) stumbles onto a murder/kidnapping conspiracy, 2) accidentally molests his dream girl after her sister is found dead (different murder conspiracy -- or is it) , and 3) pees on a corpse. Then things get complicated.

Harry is what some people might politely refer to as a loser. He's more accurately described as a fuck-up. Harry's never really been successful in his life. Instead of a legitimate job, he makes his living by applying magician training to the fine art of stealing crap like bargain bin toys and gum. Even his missing finger has a mediocre story. War wound? Ninja fight? Nope, he lost it to a slamming door. Most of his lucky breaks and rare moments of awesomeness only happen accidentally -- a wrong place at the right time kind of thing. Harry's failures even include messing up the narration of his own movie. He often has to pause to backtrack because he forgot important exposition, gets distracted and goes off on tangents, and occasionally comments on the how bad a scene is. Despite always having the odds stacked against him, Harry's managed to remain a pretty upstanding and optimistic guy. His job may not be the most respectable, but he makes up for it by sincerely wanting to do right by people. This fidgety, fast-talking, slow-thinking, perpetual screwup is here to save the day.


Sample Entry:

Okay, not that I'm trying to judge or anything because there are, like, people with guns everywhere, but what the fuck kind of operation are you running here? You've been going for -- for what? Three years? And it just now occurred to you that, oh hey, it might be nice to have somebody to explain things to the audience! It's way too late for me to get up to speed, if I even could in the first place, and I don't have the greatest material to work with. Not even a dark and stormy night to get me started? Come on. Is anybody even listening to me? Oh, great, at least I got somebody's attention, even if it is a rotting sack of flesh. How about some personal space here, lady?

Listen, princess. Honey. Scaryface. Can we talk this out? I ... I think we can reason here. I've only got nine fingers, you've only got three limbs. I've seen a lot of corpses, you ... are a corpse. That's more than a lot of people have in common. So, yeah, I'm really hopeful that we can reach a mutual ly beneficial agreement. How about I get to go home to the hot girl of my dreams and you get to find a guy who'd actually be good at this job? How's that sound? Good? ... tasty? I think we're on different wavelengths here. Here I am trying to talk business and you're caught up with this this this walking undead shtick. Really not endearing, by the way.

--wait. Fuck! Shit! Did the, uh, the interview thing start already? Fuck. Good job on that first impression, Harry, now they'll really take you seriously. Jesus. Uh. Hi, my name's Harry Lockhart and I'll be your narrator for this ... this summer camp. Experience. Thing. Sorry about all the swearing. I know, I know "fuck" is right in the title but maybe it's only okay to use it in some ironic twist that I don't understand. And, hell, for all I know the audience is all Midwestern Baptist farmers' wives who never say anything stronger than "fudge" like nobody can tell what that's supposed to mean, you know? Not that there's anything wrong with Baptist farmers' wives in the Midwest. I'm sure they're very lovely women.

Yeah, Iiii'm going to go ahead and apologize for that little tangent too. That was horrible. I'm sorry you had to read that. Let me try again. I am on track and in the zone.

Right. Here we go. It was a beautiful day in Camp Fuck You Die. Well, beautiful for a swamp crawling with rotting flesh and fucked up wildlife, so not that beautiful, but most of the living people here look ridiculously attractive in ways that can't be natural so that's got to be some cosmic balance in action. Anyway, the sun was shining, the birds were chanting death threats, and the zombies were starting to look hungry and swarm together to go on a ... a feeding frenzy...

Maybe I should just stop talking now.

((Voted in with 98.2%))

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